Overcoming the fear of giving negative feedback

86% of people want to receive feedback. 90% of leaders struggle to give it well. Feedback isn’t a moment to “fix” someone. It’s a chance to help them grow. But here's the truth: Even well-meaning feedback can backfire. If the other person feels: • Judged • Blindsided • Embarrassed That’s when walls go up...and the message never lands. Because it isn’t just about what you say. It’s about how safe someone feels when you say it. Want to give feedback that actually lands? Here’s how give it (so it feels good on both sides): 1. Prepare with care → Pick the right moment, not in the heat of frustration. → Choose a clear framework to guide you. 2. Ask First → “Would it be okay if I shared some feedback?” → It’s a small ask that builds big trust. 3. Stick to What You Saw → Describe the moment, not the person. → “You interrupted twice” lands better than “You’re rude.” 4. Focus on One Clear Next Step → Feedback without a next move is just frustration. → Give them something actionable. 5. Follow Up → Growth takes time. → Checking in shows you care about their growth. Here's the secret: None of this requires perfection. Just intention. Because feedback, done well, isn’t criticism. It’s collaboration. It builds trust. Strengthens relationships. And helps everyone get better, together. So next time you give feedback, remember: You're not pointing out flaws. You're unlocking potential. Which step will you try in your next conversation? Р.С: Dr. Thomas Funke, FolIοw Dr. Thomas Funke for more content like this 86% of people want to receive feedback. 👇

86% of people want to receive feedback. 90% of leaders struggle to give it well. Feedback isn’t a moment to “fix” someone. It’s a chance to help them grow. But here's the truth: Even well-meaning feedback can backfire. If the other person feels: • Judged • Blindsided • Embarrassed That’s when walls go up...and the message never lands. Because it isn’t just about what you say. It’s about how safe someone feels when you say it. Want to give feedback that actually lands? Here’s how give it (so it feels good on both sides): 1. Prepare with care → Pick the right moment, not in the heat of frustration. → Choose a clear framework to guide you. 2. Ask First → “Would it be okay if I shared some feedback?” → It’s a small ask that builds big trust. 3. Stick to What You Saw → Describe the moment, not the person. → “You interrupted twice” lands better than “You’re rude.” 4. Focus on One Clear Next Step → Feedback without a next move is just frustration. → Give them something actionable. 5. Follow Up → Growth takes time. → Checking in shows you care about their growth. Here's the secret: None of this requires perfection. Just intention. Because feedback, done well, isn’t criticism. It’s collaboration. It builds trust. Strengthens relationships. And helps everyone get better, together. So next time you give feedback, remember: You're not pointing out flaws. You're unlocking potential. Which step will you try in your next conversation? Р.С: Dr. Thomas Funke, FolIοw Dr. Thomas Funke for more content like this 86% of people want to receive feedback. 👇

Do you find it difficult to give tricky feedback to a team member? It's consistently rated as one of the things people like doing least but you can make your life easier. Would you like a totally free guide with easy to remember ways to do it? Course you would - link below to my 10 Minute Feedback Fix. Every leader knows that sinking feeling. You need to address someone's performance, behaviour, or attitude, but you've been putting it off for weeks. Maybe months. The meeting gets rescheduled and you tell yourself you're waiting for "the right moment". Meanwhile, the problem festers, the team notices, and your credibility can quietly erode. Here's what really happens when we avoid difficult feedback: The person never gets the chance to improve. They continue underperforming, unaware they're not meeting standards. When you finally address it, they're blindsided and resentful, asking why you didn't say something sooner. Your high performers watch and lose respect. They see underperformance go unchallenged and wonder why they bother exceeding expectations. Some start looking elsewhere for leaders who maintain standards. The conversation you're avoiding becomes ten times harder than the one you should have had three months ago. Most leaders struggle with feedback because they've never been taught how to structure these conversations. They wing it, emotions run high, and everyone leaves feeling worse. Or they're so vague in their attempt to be "nice" that nothing actually changes. Feedback conversations don't have to be confrontational disasters. With the right framework, you can address difficult topics whilst maintaining relationships and respect for all. I've compiled my 3 most effective feedback frameworks that I've refined over 15 years of leadership development work. These aren't theoretical models but practical guides you can use TODAY which have helped many leaders navigate their most challenging conversations with confidence and clarity. These frameworks will help you: - Structure difficult conversations so they feel collaborative, not combative - Address performance issues without damaging relationships - Ensure your feedback actually leads to behaviour change - Handle defensive reactions with composure So stop avoiding the conversations that could transform your team's performance and click here to get my guide: https://lnkd.in/eTDzjzYp Great leaders don't avoid difficult conversations, they master them. 💪 🚀 #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #feedbackculture #personalgrowth #leadingforsuccess

Feedback That Builds Trust Feedback is one of the most powerful tools a leader has, when it’s delivered with care, clarity, and good timing. People want to know how they’re doing. They want to grow. But the way feedback is delivered matters just as much as the message itself. One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is jumping into feedback when the other person isn’t ready to hear it. When emotions are high, the conversation becomes harder. The message gets lost. The intention gets misunderstood. Before you dive in, pause and check: • “Is this a good time for you?” • “Are you open to some feedback that might help?” • “Would you prefer we talk now or later today?” This small step shows respect. It gives the other person a sense of control and prepares them to listen with a clearer mind. And when the moment feels right, start by getting their perspective first. A simple question can shift the whole conversation: • “How did that feel for you?” • “What worked well in that situation?” • “What would you do differently next time?” Their insight creates a natural opening for your feedback. It turns the conversation into a partnership instead of a correction. Then share what you observed, the impact you noticed, and what they can build on next. Not rushed. Not emotional. Just honest and supportive. And remember, don’t wait too long. When feedback sits for weeks or months, people lose the chance to grow in real time. Timely feedback is kinder and far more effective. Done well, feedback builds trust, not tension. It shows people you care enough to help them succeed. #feedback #performancereviews #respect #professionaldevelopment #klearcoaching #trust

The “yuck sandwich” (positive feedback → negative feedback → positive feedback) is a classic tool, but in practice, it often falls short. It used to be really popular but now leaders are recognizing it can fall short and potentially do more damage. People frequently focus only on the positive, missing the constructive points entirely. Worse, the praise can feel contrived, undermining authenticity. In my view, separate praise from constructive feedback. Be specific with your compliments. Address issues directly, factually, and with clear expectations. If circumstances force you to communicate via email, the yuck sandwich can provide structure, but in face-to-face conversations, dialogue and curiosity are far more effective.  Thanks to Tim Hamons for this awesome visual.

"𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀, 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸" - 𝗥𝗼𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘁 𝗔𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻 I hate to say I 𝗛𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗗 feedback… I didn’t say that to experienced first line leaders this week in Germany. But, I did get to hear their perspectives on what’s getting in the way of having more critical conversations and sharing feedback with their teams. When talking about common reactions to feedback, it gave me some flashbacks on my own experiences with receiving feedback, in particular during my PR career. When feedback came my way, I’d often feel personally attacked: “𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗽𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲.” “𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸.” “𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗻𝘆!” 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝗶𝗱𝗲 The way I took feedback is a common and natural response. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t so productive. Feedback takes ‘two to tango though’ and upon reflection and learnings, I realised I wasn’t always being given feedback in the most effective way. I’ve been shouted and sworn at during a workshop activity, given minor feedback accumulated over months in a glass office room for the whole business to see, and once told to just “be more resilient.” 𝗔 𝗦𝗻𝗮𝗽𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 I’ve reflected a bit on my experience over the years in the video below (with a positive story to balance!). Through becoming a Leadership Development Consultant, I’ve realised how much growth, mine and others, I may have left on the table by reacting rather than taking a pause to truly reflect and respond when receiving feedback. At the same time, I wonder whether I’ve given into the response of fear sometimes and avoided having the courage to share the gift of feedback itself. 𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁? 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲?

Feedback is a gift. Feedback is a muscle. Feedback is Leadership. And one of the most useful tools I've found for giving feedback is the SBI model: 💡Situation, Behavior, Impact. It keeps things clear and grounded: Situation → where/when it happened Behavior → what you observed (not your judgment) Impact → the effect it had It removes judgment and keeps things focused on growth. Real-Time Feedback > Annual Reviews. The most effective feedback is also timely. Don't save it for a quarterly cycle or bury it in an annual review. If it happens today, say something today. The more real-time it is, the more natural it feels. Over time, it stops being "a thing" and just becomes how you work together. Balanced Feedback > "Can We Chat?" Dread. Celebrate wins in the moment. Recognize strengths you want repeated. And yes, have the harder conversations too, but in the same spirit of growth. Consistency Builds Trust. When feedback flows regularly, both positive and constructive, it becomes normal. And the awkwardness fades. 👉 A Gentle Invitation: Try giving one small piece of real-time feedback this week. Celebrate a win. Or nudge a behavior. See how it shifts the energy. Because feedback doesn't have to be awkward. And when done well, feedback is leadership.

Feedback is a gift. You can take it, leave it, or ignore it—but it’s still a gift. As I edge toward 50, I’ve been thinking about the moments that shaped my career. One stands out clearly. I was in my first year with a new company, and I’d rated myself as “very strong” across most areas ahead of my performance review. When the actual feedback came back, the ratings were far lower than I expected. It caught me completely off guard. What made the difference was the way the feedback was delivered. It was direct—very direct—and anyone who knew me then would agree I was firmly in the “red” communication style. Directness didn’t bother me; in fact, I welcomed it. The real shift came from the specific examples: how my actions were landing, how they affected others, and how they made people feel. That clarity changed the way I understood my own impact. It became a defining moment in my career. Over time, my style has softened. I lean far more into the collaborative, people-focused “yellow” space now. And the older I get, the more convinced I am that high-performing teams are built on consistent, honest, and well-delivered feedback. Not vague hints. Not delayed comments long after the moment has passed. Real feedback—fact-based, timely, and anchored in examples. I’ve never understood managers who give loose, blurry feedback with no specifics. You can’t develop anyone like that. You can’t build trust like that. You certainly can’t build performance like that. My approach is simple: praise in public, give constructive feedback in private. Celebrate what people do well, and handle growth conversations with respect and discretion. When people feel seen, supported, and understood, they accelerate. That’s where real leadership comes from.

No one likes to hear negative feedback. It’s uncomfortable. It challenges what we think we’re doing right. But what you do with that feedback — that’s what truly defines you as a leader, a partner, and a team. Feedback isn’t failure; it’s information. It’s data we can act on. It’s insight into how others experience the service we provide, the culture we build, and the impact we make. And while feedback is sometimes uncomfortable, it’s almost always valuable. It forces us to pause, reflect, and examine the gaps between what we think we’re delivering and what others actually experience. The easy thing to do is defend. The right thing to do is listen. The difference between good teams and great ones isn’t the absence of criticism — it’s how they respond to it. Great teams listen. They evaluate. They adapt. They see feedback not as failure, but as a map pointing toward improvement. As leaders, we have two choices when faced with tough feedback: 1️⃣ We can get defensive and explain why something happened. 2️⃣ Or we can dig in, ask questions, and use that information to strengthen our processes, communication, and accountability. I’ve always believed that accountability isn’t about blame — it’s about ownership. It’s about having the humility to say, “We can do better,” and the determination to prove it through action. In every role I’ve ever had, the most meaningful growth came after tough conversations. Feedback — especially the kind that stings a little — builds resilience, sharpens focus, and strengthens trust when handled with humility and intention. When teams understand that feedback is a tool for improvement, not criticism, they start to view every challenge as an opportunity to raise the bar. Growth doesn’t happen in comfort. It happens in reflection, response, and responsibility. #Leadership #Accountability #ContinuousImprovement #GrowthMindset #TeamCulture

💬 How I Learned to take feedback (Without Taking It Personally) I still remember the early days of my career…  Every “Can we change this?” or “It doesn’t fit the brand” felt like a punch in the gut. 🎨I’d spend hours perfecting a project, only to hear, “I like it, but I want something different.” It used to frustrate me so much. I’d start doubting myself, my skills, my eye for detail. But over the years, I’ve learned something important, feedback isn’t about me. 👶Every client sees their business like their own child. They want to make sure it’s presented in the best possible way, according to their vision, not mine. And that’s completely okay. Here’s what experience taught me about handling feedback: 1️⃣ Explain your choices, but do it kindly. Sometimes, walking clients through your thought process helps them understand the strategy behind your work. But not everyone will get it, and that’s fine. It’s not your job to make them understand, if they do, it’s a bonus. 2️⃣ If needed, make the changes (and charge for major ones💼). If you see they don’t align with your creative direction, do it their way. It’s better for your peace of mind. At the end of the day, feedback shouldn’t feel like pressure. 🌱It’s an opportunity to grow, to learn how others think, and to remind yourself that everyone has their own taste That’s what makes collaboration so interesting. Now, if I don’t have feedback on my work I am upset… (kidding, I still hate it, but I’ve learned to embrace it) 💭 How do you usually handle feedback? Do you explain your choices, or just make the changes and move on?