Strategies for Confidently Disagreeing

One of the toughest tests of your leadership isn't how you handle success. It's how you navigate disagreement. I noticed this in the SEAL Teams and in my work with executives: Those who master difficult conversations outperform their peers not just in team satisfaction, but in decision quality and innovation. The problem? Most of us enter difficult conversations with our nervous system already in a threat state. Our brain literally can't access its best thinking when flooded with stress hormones. Through years of working with high-performing teams, I've developed what I call The Mindful Disagreement Framework. Here's how it works: 1. Pause Before Engaging (10 seconds) When triggered by disagreement, take a deliberate breath. This small reset activates your prefrontal cortex instead of your reactive limbic system. Your brain physically needs this transition to think clearly. 2. Set Psychological Safety (30 seconds) Start with: "I appreciate your perspective and want to understand it better. I also have some different thoughts to share." This simple opener signals respect while creating space for different viewpoints. 3. Lead with Curiosity, Not Certainty (2 minutes) Ask at least three questions before stating your position. This practice significantly increases the quality of solutions because it broadens your understanding before narrowing toward decisions. 4. Name the Shared Purpose (1 minute) "We both want [shared goal]. We're just seeing different paths to get there." This reminds everyone you're on the same team, even with different perspectives. 5. Separate Impact from Intent (30 seconds) "When X happened, I felt Y, because Z. I know that wasn't your intention." This formula transforms accusations into observations. Last month, I used this exact framework in a disagreement. The conversation that could have damaged our relationship instead strengthened it. Not because we ended up agreeing, but because we disagreed respectfully. (It may or may not have been with my kid!) The most valuable disagreements often feel uncomfortable. The goal isn't comfort. It's growth. What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? Try this framework tomorrow and watch what happens to your leadership influence. ___ Follow me, Jon Macaskill for more leadership focused content. And feel free to repost if someone in your life needs to hear this. 📩 Subscribe to my newsletter here → https://lnkd.in/g9ZFxDJG You'll get FREE access to my 21-Day Mindfulness & Meditation Course packed with real, actionable strategies to lead with clarity, resilience, and purpose.

After working with 353 companies in the last ten years, we've found that it’s not too much conflict that kills teams. It’s the fear of having any at all. Disagreeing well is one of the most important—and most overlooked—skills we now teach for today’s workplace. We put so much emphasis on teams "connecting well" and feeling "safe and seen". But what about disagreeing well, challenging each other in a safe way. Time after time, we hear our clients say that their people stay silent in meetings, avoid giving feedback, or default to just saying “thank you” when what they really mean is “I disagree but don’t know how to say it.” Last week alone, we were on a discovery call with a client and I asked what the team lead wanted out of our potential workshop: “I really want them to learn how to disagree professionally.” That’s it. Not how to avoid conflict. Not how to sugarcoat it. Just how to do it well (as a mature adult), and challenge someone’s idea without actually making them feel like they’re being challenged. We invented a method three years ago called Inquisitive Empathy to help teams do just that. At the core of it is this idea: when in doubt, ask better questions. Not accusatory questions. Not questions loaded with hidden judgments. But curious, calibrated questions that start with What or How. Not Why. Questions like: “What outcome were you hoping for?” or “How do you see this working across teams?” These questions help people feel seen, not attacked. They create space for reflection instead of reaction. And they open the door for mutual understanding—even in moments of tension. When people learn how to disagree well, everything changes. Conversations go deeper. Ideas improve. Respect grows. And most importantly, people stop avoiding the hard stuff—and start leaning into it, together.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀? I vividly remember the day... I sat in that meeting room, my heart racing as the group president confidently presented a 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝘆 that I knew was 𝗳𝗹𝗮𝘄𝗲𝗱. Years of experience screamed at me to 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘂𝗽, but my voice remained trapped in my throat. As I watched my colleagues nod in agreement, I felt a mixture of 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗺𝗲. 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠? This wasn't the first time I'd found myself in this situation. From childhood, we're taught to respect authority, to be seen and not heard. "𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸❟" our parents would say. "𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝘂𝗹𝗲𝘀❟" our teachers insisted. These well-intentioned lessons, meant to shape us into polite members of society, often backfire in professional settings where critical thinking and constructive disagreement are crucial. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝. We worry about damaging relationships, facing retaliation, or being labeled as troublemakers. And let's be honest: there's 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒂𝒕. But here's the truth: 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗹𝘆. It can lead to 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀❟ 𝗳𝗹𝗮𝘄𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀, and a culture of 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆. More personally, it can stunt our growth, diminish our confidence, and leave us feeling unfulfilled in our careers. So how do we overcome this fear? Here are some strategies that have helped me: 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻:  Instead of seeing it as a confrontation, view it as a collaborative effort to achieve the best outcome. 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝗹𝘆:  Knowledge breeds confidence. Do your research and organize your thoughts. 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿-𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀:  Build your "speaking up" muscle gradually. 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲❟ 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻:  Frame your disagreement in terms of the problem or decision, not the individual. 𝗨𝘀𝗲 "𝗜" 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀:  Express your perspective without sounding accusatory. 𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀:  If possible, discuss your concerns with trusted colleagues before the meeting. 𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗲:  You were hired for your expertise and perspective. Not sharing them is a disservice to yourself and your organization. It's not easy to overcome years of conditioning, but with practice and persistence, you can learn to speak up effectively. Your unique insights might just be what your team or organization needs to succeed. #SpeakUpAtWork #FearlessProfessional #AuthenticLeadership #CareerGrowth #OvercomingFear #WorkplaceCourage #ConfidentCommunication

Stop dreading tough talks. Master them with these 21 phrases instead: I once snapped when a colleague questioned my timeline. My defensive reaction created a week of tension. That day I realized emotional responses solve nothing. They only create new problems. We've all been there: Feeling defensive Reacting without thinking Watching a simple disagreement turn into a lasting conflict But I've learned the shift from reactive to constructive changes everything ✨ 21 ways smart people handle difficult conversations: 1) Lead with Curiosity ↳ "Tell me more about your perspective on this" ↳ Questions defuse tension faster than statements 2) Name the Energy ↳ "I notice there's tension here, let's address it" ↳ Acknowledgment creates safety 3) Find Common Ground ↳ "We both want what's best for the project" ↳ Alignment before action 4) Set Clear Expectations ↳ "Here's what I need, what do you need?" ↳ Clarity prevents future conflict 5) Pause the Escalation ↳ "Let's take a step back and break this down" ↳ Breathing room creates solutions 6) Mirror Their Language ↳ Use their exact key words when responding ↳ Matching builds instant connection 7) Acknowledge Impact ↳ "I see how this affects your priorities" ↳ Understanding beats defense 8) Own Your Part ↳ "Here's where I could have done better" ↳ Accountability creates trust 9) Focus Forward ↳ "How can we prevent this next time?" ↳ Solutions beat blame 10) Check Understanding ↳ "Here's what I'm hearing - am I getting it right?" ↳ Clarity prevents escalation 11) Create Space ↳ "Let's revisit this when we're both fresh" ↳ Time transforms tension 12) Stay on Topic ↳ "Let's focus on solving this specific issue" ↳ Boundaries keep talks productive 13) Express Confidence ↳ "I know we can figure this out together" ↳ Belief shifts energy 14) Share Context ↳ "Here's what led to my decision" ↳ Understanding reduces resistance 15) Invite Solutions ↳ "What ideas do you have for this?" ↳ Collaboration beats control 16) Set Timelines ↳ "When should we check in on this?" ↳ Structure creates safety 17) Validate Concerns ↳ "That's a legitimate worry - let's address it" ↳ Recognition reduces defense 18) Stay Factual ↳ "Here's what the data shows us" ↳ Evidence beats emotion 19) Close with Action ↳ "Let's clarify next steps together" ↳ Progress prevents repeat issues 20) Follow Through ↳ "As we discussed, here's what I've done" ↳ Action builds credibility 21) Document Growth ↳ "Here's how we'll work differently now" ↳ Learning beats repeating Difficult conversations aren't obstacles to success. They're the moments where true connection happens ✨ Which strategy will you try in your next challenging conversation? -- ♻️ Repost to help your network transform difficult conversations into opportunities 🔔 Follow Dr. Carolyn Frost for more practical tools to succeed with confidence