Strategies For Managing Conflicting Personalities In Teams

Do you feel part of a real team? Or are there moments when you feel isolated, uncertain, and disconnected, even though you're surrounded by colleagues? In the early stages of my career, I had the simplistic view that bringing together a bunch of high achievers would naturally create an outstanding team. However, the reality was quite different. Instead of creating synergy, there was noticeable discord. The team didn't seem to gel; it was akin to cogs not aligning in a machine. Every top performer, exceptional in their own right, appeared to follow their own path, often pulling in different directions. The amount of energy and time lost to internal strife was significant, and the expected outcomes? They remained just that – expected. This experience was a clear lesson that the success of a team isn't merely based on individual talent; it's about harmony, alignment, and collaboration. With today’s workplaces being more diverse, widespread, digitized, and ever-changing, achieving this is certainly challenging. So, in my quest to understand the nuances of high-performing teams, I reached out to my friend Hari Haralambiev. As a coach of dev teams who care about people, Hari has worked with numerous tech organizations, guiding them to unlock their teams’ potential. Here are his top 5 tips for developing high performing teams: 1. Be Inclusive ↳Put a structure in place so that the most vocal people don’t suffocate the silent voices. Great teams make sure minority views are heard and taken into account. They make it safe for people to speak up. 2. Leverage Conflict ↳Disagreements should be encouraged and how you handle them is what makes your team poor or great. Great teams mine for conflict - they cherish disagreements. To handle disagreements properly make sure to separate discussion from decision. 3. Decision Making Process ↳Have a clear team decision-making method to resolve conflicts quickly. The most important decision a team should make is how to make decisions. Don’t look for 100% agreement. Look for 100% commitment. 4. Care and Connect ↳This is by far the most important tip. Teams who are oriented only on results are not high-performing. You need to create psychological safety and build trust between people. To do that - focus on actually knowing the other people and to make it safe to be vulnerable in front of others. Say these 4 phrases more often: ‘I don’t know’, ‘I made a mistake’, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I need help’. 5. Reward experimentation and risk taking ↳No solution is 100% certain. People should feel safe to take risks and make mistakes. Reward smart failure. Over-communicate that it’s better to take action and take accountability than play it safe. Remember, 'team' isn't just a noun—it's a verb. It requires ongoing effort and commitment to work at it, refine it, and nurture it. Do give Hari a follow and join over 6K+ professionals who receive his leadership comics in his newsletter A Leader’s Tale.

One of the toughest tests of your leadership isn't how you handle success. It's how you navigate disagreement. I noticed this in the SEAL Teams and in my work with executives: Those who master difficult conversations outperform their peers not just in team satisfaction, but in decision quality and innovation. The problem? Most of us enter difficult conversations with our nervous system already in a threat state. Our brain literally can't access its best thinking when flooded with stress hormones. Through years of working with high-performing teams, I've developed what I call The Mindful Disagreement Framework. Here's how it works: 1. Pause Before Engaging (10 seconds) When triggered by disagreement, take a deliberate breath. This small reset activates your prefrontal cortex instead of your reactive limbic system. Your brain physically needs this transition to think clearly. 2. Set Psychological Safety (30 seconds) Start with: "I appreciate your perspective and want to understand it better. I also have some different thoughts to share." This simple opener signals respect while creating space for different viewpoints. 3. Lead with Curiosity, Not Certainty (2 minutes) Ask at least three questions before stating your position. This practice significantly increases the quality of solutions because it broadens your understanding before narrowing toward decisions. 4. Name the Shared Purpose (1 minute) "We both want [shared goal]. We're just seeing different paths to get there." This reminds everyone you're on the same team, even with different perspectives. 5. Separate Impact from Intent (30 seconds) "When X happened, I felt Y, because Z. I know that wasn't your intention." This formula transforms accusations into observations. Last month, I used this exact framework in a disagreement. The conversation that could have damaged our relationship instead strengthened it. Not because we ended up agreeing, but because we disagreed respectfully. (It may or may not have been with my kid!) The most valuable disagreements often feel uncomfortable. The goal isn't comfort. It's growth. What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? Try this framework tomorrow and watch what happens to your leadership influence. ___ Follow me, Jon Macaskill for more leadership focused content. And feel free to repost if someone in your life needs to hear this. 📩 Subscribe to my newsletter here → https://lnkd.in/g9ZFxDJG You'll get FREE access to my 21-Day Mindfulness & Meditation Course packed with real, actionable strategies to lead with clarity, resilience, and purpose.

The #1 killer of teams isn't failure. It's how you handle conflict. Understanding these 4 behaviors—and their antidotes—has saved me millions of dollars and countless hours of pain. In the 1990s, Dr. John Gottman identified “The Four Horsemen,” destructive behaviors that predict divorce with 91% accuracy. From my experience, these same behaviors destroy company cultures, teams, and break up partnerships. Here’s what they are—and how to counteract them: 1️⃣ Criticism Sounds like: "You’re selfish; you never think of others.” ✅ Antidote: Use “I” statements to focus on the issue. Example: “I feel out of the loop when I don’t know project updates. Can we align better next time?” 2️⃣ Contempt Sounds like: “Cry me a river. I’m dealing with bigger priorities than your issues.” ✅ Antidote: Build a culture of appreciation. Highlight strengths and express gratitude regularly. 3️⃣ Defensiveness Sounds like: “I was busy! Why didn’t you handle it?” ✅ Antidote: Take responsibility. Accept feedback, and apologize when needed. 4️⃣ Stonewalling Sounds like: “Silence” (Shutting down and withdrawing during conflict) ✅ Antidote: Practice self-soothing. Take a break to calm emotions, then return to the discussion. Conflict is inevitable. How you handle it determines your success. Master these antidotes to foster trust and build resilient teams. What is your favorite approach to managing conflict skillfully? Let me know in the comments. 👇 ♻️ Repost this to share with anyone looking to improve having crucial conversations. And follow Matt Schnuck for more!

Do you Avoid Conflict? If you're a leader looking to build trust and strengthen relationships in your team, don't overlook the power of effective conflict resolution. When conflicts are managed well, it creates an environment where people feel heard and valued. Here are some key points based on my experience: 1. Open Dialogue: Encourage team members to openly express their concerns. This creates an environment of trust and transparency. 2. Active Listening: Make sure everyone involved in the conflict feels heard. This reduces tension and makes resolution easier. 3. Win-Win Solutions: Look for outcomes that benefit all parties, reinforcing the idea that the team is working towards common goals. 4. Address Issues Early: Tackling conflicts sooner rather than later prevents them from festering and becoming bigger issues. 5. Follow Through: After a resolution has been found, follow up to ensure that the agreed-upon actions are being taken. 6. Be Neutral: As a leader, stay impartial. Taking sides can erode trust and break down team dynamics. 7. Offer Training: Sometimes, conflicts arise from misunderstandings or lack of soft skills. Offering training can mitigate future conflicts. By investing time in conflict resolution, you're also investing in relationship building, which leads to better teamwork, higher morale, and a more productive work environment. "Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it." - Ronald Reagan Turn conflicts into opportunities for growth and unity in your team. #ConflictResolution #TeamBuilding #Leadership

Conflict is inevitable. How we manage it is both an art and a science. In my work with executives, I often discuss Thomas Kilmann's five types of conflict managers: (1) The Competitor – Focuses on winning, sometimes forgetting there’s another human on the other side. (2) The Avoider – Pretends conflict doesn’t exist, hoping it disappears (spoiler: it doesn’t). (3) The Compromiser – Splits the difference, often leaving both sides feeling like nobody really wins. (4) The Accommodator – Prioritizes relationships over their own needs, sometimes at their own expense. (5) The Collaborator – Works hard to find a win-win, but it takes effort. The style we use during conflict depends on how we manage the tension between empathy and assertiveness. (a) Assertiveness: The ability to express your needs, boundaries, and interests clearly and confidently. It’s standing your ground—without steamrolling others. Competitors do this naturally, sometimes too much. Avoiders and accommodators? Not so much. (b) Empathy: The ability to recognize and consider the other person’s perspective, emotions, and needs. It’s stepping into their shoes before taking a step forward. Accommodators thrive here, sometimes at their own expense. Competitors? They might need a reminder that the other side has feelings too. Balancing both is the key to successful negotiation. Here’s how: - Know your default mode. Are you more likely to fight, flee, or fold? Self-awareness is step one. - Swap 'but' for 'and' – “I hear your concerns, and I’d like to explore a solution that works for both of us.” This keeps both voices in the conversation. - Be clear, not combative. Assertiveness isn’t aggression; it’s clarity. Replace “You’re wrong” with “I see it differently—here’s why.” - Make space for emotions. Negotiations aren’t just about logic. Acknowledge emotions (yours and theirs) so they don’t hijack the conversation. - Negotiate the process, not just the outcome. If you’re dealing with a competitor, set ground rules upfront. If it’s an avoider, create a low-stakes way to engage. Great negotiators don’t just stick to their natural style—they adapt. Which conflict style do you tend to default to? And how do you balance empathy with assertiveness? #ConflictResolution #Negotiation #Leadership #Empathy #Assertiveness #Leadership #DecisionMaking

A recent post about Project Aristotle, our study on team effectiveness at Google, brought back a key personal learning. In that work, psychological safety, as defined and deeply researched by Amy Edmondson, emerged as the single most important factor behind team success. A key aspect of psychological safety is creating an environment where it’s safe to disagree. When we talk about conflict on teams, we often think in terms of “more” or “less.” But that framing is incomplete. What matters just as much as the presence of conflict is the quality of it. Here’s a 2x2 I find helpful, inspired by the work of Liane Davey, Priya Parker and Kim Scott. For me, the most insidious quadrant here is unhealthy peace, where surface-level harmony conceals deeper dysfunction. It often feels like saying “Sure, that works” even when your inner voice is saying “this doesn’t sit right.” You see avoidable mistakes happen. You may be in the room physically but are checked out mentally. Healthy conflict feels very different. You can disagree openly while still feeling like you belong. You walk out of a hard conversation with more clarity and more trust. You experience being stretched and challenged in a way that sharpens you and your team. So how do you know where you stand? Here are a few reflection cues that are helpful: -- Am I holding back because I want to be thoughtful, or because I’m afraid? -- Do I leave hard conversations feeling like something real got said? -- If I disagree with someone in power, do I trust they’ll listen? Like any muscle, the ability to engage in healthy conflict takes practice: -- You have to start with curiosity: “Can you help me understand how you got there?” -- You need to muster courage to name the discomfort: “This is hard to talk about, but I think it matters” -- Reflect after the disagreement: Did we learn? Did we grow? It’s one thing to have healthy conflict with peers. It’s much harder when there’s a power gap and when the person across from you controls your ratings, promotions, or future opportunities. That’s why leadership role modeling matters. If leaders don’t create environments where disagreement can be surfaced safely, they are setting their teams back. Make it easier for others to be both brave and heard -- that's the kind of leadership I've aspired to.

At Amazon, two of my top engineers had a shouting match that ended in tears. This could be a sign of a toxic workplace or a sign of passion and motivation. Whether it becomes toxic or not all comes down to how management deals with conflict. In order to deal with conflict in your team, it is first essential to understand it. A Harvard study has identified that there are 4 types of conflict that are common in teams: 1. The Boxing Match: Two people within a team disagree 2. The Solo Dissenter: Conflict surrounds one individual 3. Warring Factions: Two subgroups within a team disagree 4. The Blame Game: The whole team is in disagreement My engineers shouting at each other is an example of the boxing match. They were both passionate and dedicated to the project, but their visions were different. This type of passion is a great driver for a healthy team, but if the conflict were to escalate it could quickly become toxic and counterproductive. In order to de-escalate the shouting, I brought them into a private mediation. This is where one of the engineers started to cry because he was so passionate about his vision for the project. The important elements of managing this conflict in a healthy and productive way were: 1) Giving space for each of the engineers to explain their vision 2) Mediating their discussion so that they could arrive at a productive conclusion 3) Not killing either of their passion by making them feel unheard or misunderstood Ultimately, we were able to arrive at a productive path forward with both engineers feeling heard and respected. They both continued to be top performers. In today’s newsletter, I go more deeply into how to address “Boxing Match” conflicts as both a manager and an IC. I also explain how to identify and address the other 3 common types of team conflict. You can read the newsletter here https://lnkd.in/gXYr9T3r Readers- How have you seen team member conflict handled well in your careers?

85% of employees encounter workplace conflicts, but most leaders avoid addressing them. This used to be one of my weaknesses too, till I learnt the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Model. This categorizes all forms of conflict resolution into five distinct strategies, based on a balance between assertiveness and cooperation. Here are the 5 strategies it teaches you, and when to use each: 1. Competing You push your agenda with authority or strong arguments. It’s great for quick decisions but might strain relationships. Example: A project manager insists on a specific vendor, though the team doesn't like working with them, leading to resentment but meeting tight deadlines. 2. Accommodating You put others’ needs first to keep the peace. Best for when harmony matters more than the issue itself. Example: A team leader agrees to extend a colleague’s project deadline, even if it delays their own work, to maintain team morale. 3. Avoiding Sidestepping conflict altogether, ignoring the problem for the time being. This can be helpful when the issue is minor, but often leads to unresolved tensions. Example: An employee is unhappy with a project they’re assigned, but it’s only for 2 months, so they avoid raising concerns. 4. Collaborating You and the other party work together, investing time and resources to find a solution that satisfies everyone. Perfect for complex problems. Example: Two team leads work together to split resources between projects, ensuring both teams meet their goals without sacrificing quality. 5. Compromising You both give up something to reach an agreement. It’s a middle ground between competing and accommodating. Example: Two managers agree to split the budget increase, each getting half of what they initially wanted to support their projects. - The Thomas-Kilmann Model isn’t just a theory - it’s a practical tool you can apply daily. Consciously finding the right type of conflict handling style to use is a game changer for leaders - and will lead to a stronger team. #companyculture #leadership #strategies