Soft Skills & Emotional Intelligence

One skill separates great communicators from average ones: Perspective-taking. The ability to see things from someone else’s point of view. But most people do it wrong. Here’s how to do it right, especially when you’re leading or being led: When you’re the boss, persuading down: You’re trying to convince Maria on your team to do something different. She’s pushing back. Your instinct might be to assert your authority. But that’s a mistake. Here’s why… Research shows: The more powerful you feel, the worse your perspective-taking becomes. More power = less understanding. So if you want to persuade Maria, don’t lean into your title. Do the opposite: dial your power down, just briefly. Try this: Before the next conversation, remind yourself: Maria has power too. I need her buy-in. Maybe she sees something I don’t. Lower your feelings of power to raise your perspective. From that place, ask: → What does she see that I’m missing? → What might be in her way? → What’s a win-win outcome? That shift changes the entire dynamic. Instead of steamrolling, you’re collaborating. And that’s how you earn trust and results. Now flip it. You’re the employee persuading your boss. It’s a high-stakes moment. You’re nervous. So do you appeal to emotion? No. Drop the feelings. Focus on interests. Here’s the key question: “What’s in it for them?” Not how you feel. Not your big dream. → Will it save time? → Improve performance? → Help them hit their goals? Make it about their world, not yours. Why? Because every boss has a mental shortcut: → Does this employee make my life easier or harder? Be the person who brings clarity, ideas, and upside. Not complaints, drama, or friction. In summary: → Persuading down? Dial down your power to see clearer. → Persuading up? Focus on their interests, not your emotions. Perspective-taking is a superpower, if you learn how to use it. Now practice, practice, practice.

Most relationships don’t die from conflict. They die from lack of context. We all know this truth: The quality of your life is deeply tied to the quality of your relationships. But here’s something we don’t talk about enough: The speed with which we build trust in those relationships can be a game-changing advantage. And the not-so-secret key to speeding up trust? Context. When I’ve taken the time to offer context—about what I’m feeling, why I’m acting a certain way, or where I’m coming from—relationships have almost always deepened. When I haven’t? They’ve often faded. Or worse, broken. And it usually happens slowly. Two people talk every day. But over time, the conversations flatten. Not because they care less, but because they stopped sharing context. And when that context fades, connection quietly disappears too. No matter what kind of relationship—friendship, work, family, romantic—when context is missing, connection starts to wither. And when context is shared, even simple moments turn meaningful. Let me show you what I mean. ⸻ Conversation A Alex: Hey, how’s it going? Jordan: All good. You? Alex: Can’t complain. They smile. Maybe chat a bit. But nothing meaningful gets exchanged. It’s polite. Safe. And very forgettable. If this becomes a repeated pattern, the relationship starts to erode. Not because of malice. But because of a lack of shared context. Now flip it. ⸻ Conversation B Alex: Hey, how’s it going? Jordan: Honestly? I’m okay, but a little off today. Alex: Oh? Say more! Jordan: I’ve been juggling too much. Work’s fine, but I feel like I’m constantly reacting instead of thinking deeply. It’s starting to wear on me. Alex: I know exactly what you mean—I felt that way for weeks. Want me to share what helped? … That tiny bit of vulnerability changed everything. The conversation didn’t just pass time. It built trust. It added context. And it strengthened connection. It gave the other person a texture of what you are thinking and feeling. ⸻ We often hold back from sharing what we’re really feeling because we assume it’s “too much” or “too boring.” We say to ourselves, why would that even be interesting to the other person. They are going through so much. But here’s the thing: You’re not oversharing. You’re not burdening them. You’re letting someone in. You’re giving them a map of your life. A deeper understanding. A chance to really know you. If someone cares about you—and wants to build something real with you—context isn’t noise. It’s essential nourishment. One conversation with context might be interesting. But 50 conversations with context? That’s how trust and familiarity is built to create a strong bond. That’s how teams click. That’s how friendships last. So remember this: Don’t deprive people of context. You’re not just talking about your day. You’re building something that will enrich both your lives. Set context. It matters. And it’s one of the most generous—and underrated—gifts we can give each other.

You’re more influenced by the people around you than you think… far more. Social contagion, the process by which emotions, behaviors, and ideas spread through groups, isn’t something that happens only in tight-knit friendships. It happens in workplaces, classrooms, and even through the digital spaces we scroll through daily. Research shows that emotions like happiness and sadness ripple through social networks much like viruses (Rosenquist, Fowler, & Christakis, 2011). In professional settings, behaviors like rudeness or generosity can cascade across entire teams (Foulk et al., 2016). Among students, things like motivation and engagement are surprisingly contagious (Burgess, 2018). And the digital world isn’t exempt. A now-famous Facebook experiment found that users’ emotions could be influenced simply by adjusting the tone of the content they were exposed to (Kramer, Guillory, & Hancock, 2014), without their awareness (ethically questionable). The takeaway is that what surrounds you, both physically and digitally, shapes how you feel, think, and act. Even when you believe you’re making entirely independent decisions, the influence is already at work. So be really conscious of who you’re time with, and how they’re either ‘good’ for you, or not. And if they’re not, try to limit exposure for the sake of your energy, your beliefs, and your motivation. P.S. Would you say you’re aware of who’s really influencing you? Research: Rosenquist, J. N., Fowler, J. H., & Christakis, N. A. (2011). Social network determinants of depression. Molecular Psychiatry, 16, 273–281. Foulk, T. A., Woolum, A. H., & Erez, A. (2016). Catching rudeness is like catching a cold: The contagion effects of low-intensity negative behaviors. Journal of Applied Psych, 101(1), 50–67. Burgess, L. G., Riddell, P. M., Fancourt, A., & Murayama, K. (2018). The influence of social contagion within education: A motivational perspective. Mind, Brain, and Education, 12(4), 164-174. Kramer, A. D. I., Guillory, J. E., & Hancock, J. T. (2014). Experimental evidence of massive-scale emotional contagion through social networks. PNAS, 111(24), 8788–8790.

How to Speak So That People Listen to You The 10-Second Rule Ever shared a great idea, only to be met with silence? Meanwhile, someone else says something similar - and everyone listens. Here’s the truth: People don’t listen to what’s important. They listen to what’s clear, compelling, and concise. Master the 10-Second Rule and get heard! 1. Deliver your main idea within 10 seconds. ↳ The brain filters out complexity to save energy. ↳ Clarity lowers cognitive load, easier to process. ↳ Clarity wins. Try this: 🚫 "So, the other day I was thinking about..." ✅ "We’re losing leads because emails aren’t personalized. Here’s how to fix it." 2. Use their name - it grabs attention. ↳ The brain focuses when it hears its name. Try this: 🚫 "I have an idea." ✅ "David, here’s a strategy that could work." 3. Lower your voice slightly for emphasis. ↳ A deeper, slower voice signals authority. Try this: Lower your pitch and slow down on key points. 4. Pause after key points - let them land. ↳ Silence makes words feel weightier. Try this: Stop talking after key points. Let silence do the work. 5. Look for nods or engagement before continuing. ↳ Conversations, not monologues, hold attention. Try this: If people look confused, pause and ask, "Would an example help?" 6. Use short, clear sentences. ↳ The brain tunes out complex wording. ↳ Simplicity keeps people engaged. Try this: 🚫 "We need to streamline our processes to improve efficiency and reduce bottlenecks." ✅ "We need to simplify our workflow. Let’s focus on 3 key areas." 7. Make it about them, not you. ↳ People care about their priorities, not yours. Try this: 🚫 "I think this is a great idea." ✅ "This will help you hit your Q2 targets faster." 8. Speak as if telling a story. ↳ Stories stick - facts don’t. Try this: 🚫 "Customer satisfaction dropped 10% last quarter." ✅ "Last quarter, 100 customers didn’t get a resolution in time. Here’s what changed." 9. Pause for 2 seconds before speaking. ↳ Signals confidence. ↳ Prevents rushing or hesitation. Try this: Count “1, 2, 3…” in your head before speaking. Confident speakers make it easy for others to understand them… and that’s power. Which of these resonated most with you? Share in the comments. ♻️ Repost and support your network ➕ Follow Meera Remani for strategies on leadership growth

On the best teams, people don’t feel pressure to fit in. They feel valued for what makes them stand out. Here are a few ways to create a culture where diverse perspectives are encouraged and celebrated. 🤝 To prevent groupthink and make it easier for everyone to chime in, split into duos for discussions and then do share outs with the larger group. 💬 If you see someone get interrupted, jump in and ask them to continue sharing. This sets a norm of letting people finish their full trains of thought. ✅ Make an “It’s okay to…” list. As a group, write down things teammates should not hesitate to do. Think, "Ask why, and why not" or "Flag a potential problem." And remember: If everyone on your team agrees on everything, all the time, you're probably not coming up with innovative, broadly accessible solutions.

As we enter 2024, remember how tempting it is to pay attention to the loud, confident voices in our lives (in meetings, in teams, in families, in society). However, the deep thinkers who hold back often have the key you need to unlock our problems and move things forward. It’s not just a question of listening, it’s listening for the right things from the right people. It's not that I am picking on loud people. I am not saying, for example, that people who talk more, who are more extroverted, don't ever have the answers. Of course, they do. The thing is, when people who talk more (or more confidently, or more smoothly, or more openly) have the answer, people already know about it because it's already being expressed. Nor am I saying that everyone who is quiet has the answer. It's obviously true that someone who is not speaking may not have the answer. The thing is, when people don't talk as much (or as confidently, or as smoothly, or as openly) but they have the answer, people won't know because it isn't being expressed. It takes a particular approach to facilitation, to team dynamics, to creating team rules and expectations to make sure the best ideas win out. Here are a few ways to do this: 1. Frame the decision to be made: what the decision is, why it matters, how the decision will be made 2. Send it in advance along with the ask that each person comes prepared to share their POV with data to support it 3. Ask people to write down answers before talking i.e. a write-storm before they brainstorm 4. Set rules of the road: an obligation to speak up, a culture of listening, a rule of not dominating, and a commitment to support the decision once it’s been made 5. Facilitate the conversation: ask for quiet voices to speak up 6. Have louder voices restate what others have said before jumping in with their own opinions 7. Nobody speaks twice until everyone has spoken once 8. Divide up the group into subgroups to solve the problem separately and come together to share their different ideas 9. Ask people to switch sides and argue against their own position #listenright #decipher #discern Effortless https://lnkd.in/gizMz9U Essentialism https://lnkd.in/g82e5uGK Podcast https://lnkd.in/eaDjxm6M

The silent productivity killer you've never heard of... Attention Residue (and 3 strategies to fight back): The concept of "attention residue" was first identified by University of Washington business professor Dr. Sophie Leroy in 2009. The idea is quite simple: There is a cognitive cost to shifting your attention from one task to another. When our attention is shifted, there is a "residue" that remains in the brain and impairs our cognitive performance on the new task. Put differently, you may think your attention has fully shifted to the next task, but your brain has a lag—it thinks otherwise! It's relatively easy to find examples of this effect in your own life: • You get on a call but are still thinking about the prior call. • An email pops up during meeting and derails your focus. • You check your phone during a lecture and can't refocus afterwards. There are two key points worth noting here: 1. The research indicates it doesn't seem to matter whether the task switch is "macro" (i.e. moving from one major task to the next) or "micro" (i.e. pausing one major task for a quick check on some minor task). 2. The challenge is even more pronounced in a remote/hybrid world, where we're free to roam the internet, have our chat apps open, and check our phones all while appearing to be focused in a Zoom meeting. With apologies to any self-proclaimed proficient multitaskers, the research is very clear: Every single time you call upon your brain to move away from one task and toward another, you are hurting its performance—your work quality and efficiency suffer. Author Cal Newport puts it well: "If, like most, you rarely go more than 10–15 minutes without a just check, you have effectively put yourself in a persistent state of self-imposed cognitive handicap." Here are three strategies to manage attention residue and fight back: 1. Focus Work Blocks: Block time on your calendar for sprints of focused energy. Set a timer for a 45-90 minute window, close everything except the task at hand, and focus on one thing. It works wonders. 2. Take a Breather: Whenever possible, create open windows of 5-15 minutes between higher value tasks. Schedule 25-minute calls. Block those windows on your calendar. During them, take a walk or close your eyes and breathe. 3. Batch Processing: You still have to reply to messages and emails. Pick a few windows during the day when you will deeply focus on the task of processing and replying to these. Your response quality will go up from this batching, and they won't bleed into the rest of your day. Attention residue is a silent killer of your work quality and efficiency. Understanding it—and taking the steps to fight back—will have an immediate positive impact on your work and life. If you enjoyed this or learned something, share it with others and follow me Sahil Bloom for more in future! The beautiful visualization is by Roberto Ferraro.

The ability to create clarity when there’s no shortage of chaos, opinions, and competing priorities is a rare skill. In any reasonably competent company, this skill alone will help take you quite far, fairly quickly. Concretely, this means creating clarity on the main problems, clarity on the right solutions, and clarity on the action plan & priorities. Very few people can do this well even though most people possess the intelligence necessary to do it. This is because most people in the workplace have been conditioned to add more information, sound more clever, satisfy more stakeholders, and feign more precision & certainty than is possible. Few understand that clarity in a chaotic situation can only emerge from subtraction, never from addition. Clarity comes from communicating what stands out as most important, why it is most important, how it will be achieved, and last but not the least, giving people a way of thinking about why it is okay, even great, that we aren’t doing All The Other Things.

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

I've coached 400+ CEOs. The best ones don't communicate better. They communicate differently. While average leaders wing it, great ones use proven methods that turn conversations into opportunities. After 20+ years studying top performers, I've identified 7 communication systems that separate good from great. (Save this. You'll need it for your next big meeting.) 1. The 3 Levels of Listening Stop listening to reply. Start listening to understand. Level 1: You're thinking about your response Level 2: You're focused on their words Level 3: You're reading the room—energy, tone, silence One CEO used this to uncover why his top performer was really leaving. Saved a $10M account. 2. What? So What? Now What? Transform rambling updates into decisive action. What = The facts (30 seconds max) So What = Why it matters to the business Now What = The specific decision needed Cut meeting time by 40%. 3. PREP Method Never fumble another investor question. Point: Your answer in one sentence Reason: Why you believe it Example: Proof from your business Point: Reinforce your answer Practice this for 5 minutes daily. Sound prepared always. 4. RACI Matrix Kill confusion before it starts. Responsible: Who does the work Accountable: Who owns success/failure (only ONE person) Consulted: Who gives input Informed: Who needs updates Projects with clear RACI are 3x more likely to succeed. 5. Story of Self/Us/Now Move hearts, not just minds. Story of Self: Why YOU care (personal conviction) Story of Us: Our shared challenge Story of Now: The urgent choice we face This framework has helped politicians win. It'll help you raise capital or inspire your team to meet a big goal. 6. The Pyramid Principle Get board approval in half the time. Start with your recommendation Give 3 supporting arguments (max) Order by impact (strongest first) Data goes last, not first McKinsey consultants swear by this. So should you. 7. COIN Feedback Model Make tough conversations productive. Context: When and where it happened Observation: What you saw (facts only) Impact: The business consequence Next: Agreed action steps No more avoided conversations. No more resentment. Your next funding round, key hire, or major deal doesn't depend on working harder. It depends on communicating better. Because in the end, leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about asking better questions, listening deeper, and communicating with precision. Your team is waiting for you to lead like this. P.S. Want a PDF of my Leadership Communication Cheat Sheet? Get it free: https://lnkd.in/dbaSN9fJ ♻️ Repost to help a founder level up their communication. Follow Eric Partaker for more leadership tools.