The Art of Giving Feedback: Timing and Tone Matter

Feedback Is Not Criticism. Silence Is. People often confuse feedback with negativity. They avoid it to stay comfortable, or they soften it to remain polite. But the real danger is not tough feedback. It is silence. Silence allows problems to grow, enables mediocrity to settle, and tells people their effort does not matter enough to engage with. Strong teams do not avoid feedback. They rely on it. Not to judge but to improve, not to embarrass but to elevate. In my own leadership, I would rather have someone challenge an idea than quietly agree and watch it fail. Silence protects egos, not outcomes. Feedback, when given with clarity and trust, is not a threat. It is a sign of commitment. It says I believe you can do better, and I care enough to help you get there. If you want high performance, do not ask for comfort. Ask for honesty.

The RealTalk ‘Feedback’ Series: More Than Words Feedback isn’t just information giving or “telling someone what they did wrong.” In the words of Extreme, Feedback is 'More Than Words' (god I LOVE that song!) Given correctly considered, intentional and purposeful Feedback can be a gift. Feedback can offer such valuable insight that helps people grow, learn, and perform better and work to their highest potential better. Of course, like with a lot of areas of Leadership, Giving and Receiving Feedback is a skill – which is great news because skills can be learned. So, let’s have a recap on the skills needed to deliver and receive Feedback well….. 👉 Clarity – Say what you mean without the fluff, jargon and BS! 👉 Empathy – Remember there’s a human being on the other side 👉 Courage – It’s not always comfortable, but avoidance helps no one 👉 Timing – Don’t sit on it for weeks. Offer it when it is relevant and memorable 👉 Balance – Do NOT sugarcoat – and don’t bulldoze either 👉 Ask Questions – Get curious with your feedback   👉 Listen – It’s not all about you! Feedback is supposed to be a two-way street, so if you want your best team around you, you’ve got to stop making it about your discomfort and start making it about their learning, growth and development. 💡 RealTalk Reminder: Great leaders don’t avoid feedback. They learn it and master it. 👉 How confident are you at giving feedback right now? Do you see it as a gift or a grenade? Drop me a comment 👇 or pop me a message if you want to sharpen up and refine those feedback skills.

Get Real About Feedback: Use Your Words. Stop dancing around tough conversations. Learn to practice "Radical Candor" giving feedback that’s direct, honest, and rooted in genuine care. This is the rocket fuel for professional growth. It builds trust and respect far faster than silence or avoidance ever will. Avoidance is a silent killer, it destroys potential leaders before they even know it. I call them “hard talk.” These are the uncomfortable but necessary dialogues that move teams, relationships, and organizations forward. Don’t be afraid of them. Sometimes, as leaders, our inability to take feedback destroys a team faster than a hurricane. Watch the attrition rate surge when people no longer feel heard or valued. The venue for receiving feedback doesn’t always have to be formal. Back in the days, I would take any concerned member of my team to a restaurant - just hang out, relax, and hear them out. You’d be surprised how much truth comes out in a casual, safe space. Train your mind to receive feedback, in whatever form it comes, and extract value from it. That’s where true maturity and leadership begin. So tell me, how do you usually handle “hard talks” on your team? Do you prefer formal sessions - or casual, heart-to-heart moments? What’s one feedback experience that changed your leadership approach? Let’s share and learn from each other.

I learned this the hard way. Too much sugar—whether in food or in feedback—creates long-term damage. In leadership, we often sugarcoat the truth because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. A friend, a peer, or even a manager says the “nice” thing instead of the right thing. But that kindness can quietly kill growth. As a manager, I’ve realized how hard the balance really is. The old days of blunt feedback are gone. Today even one honest conversation can be misinterpreted and escalate straight to HR. Yet when leaders avoid real feedback altogether, they deprive their people of growth. And over time, that feels far worse than hearing something uncomfortable in the moment. The lesson? → A little kindness makes feedback easier to hear—but too much hides the truth. → Honest, thoughtful feedback is the real act of care. → A balanced “diet” of empathy and candor builds strong, high-performing teams. If you care about someone’s success, stop feeding them sweetness alone. Give them the feedback that actually makes them better.

Feedback is a Mirror, Not a Verdict It’s natural to take feedback personally. But that mindset can keep you stuck. Feedback is simply a reflection of how your work is landing right now. It’s not a statement on your worth, and it’s not fixed in stone. The most successful people I know treat feedback like data. They don’t fight it or ignore it, they mine it for clues. Because here’s the thing: even the most critical feedback has value. It shows you how to adjust, how to refine, how to make your work impossible to overlook. You can choose to see feedback as a wall, or as a window. One stops you. The other shows you a way forward.

Formation Thoughts People Don’t Resist Feedback — They Resist Judgment Most employees want to improve; what they fear is being made to feel small. Feedback should open doors, not close confidence. When it’s framed as an invitation to grow, even difficult messages land well. Tone matters as much as content — respect turns critique into trust. The goal of feedback is not to prove someone wrong but to help them rise. Growth begins when correction is given with care. Zab Lebrun